So you think you've got dog problems. Many dogs are hard-wired to do certain things and herding dogs will herd things even if they're not supposed to herd things.

Consider this.

My wife told me a story about a friend of hers whose dog jumped the fence one weekend and went on a walkabout. Hours later the dog returned herding a horse. Since herding dogs are supposed to herd things this isn't remarkable except that the horse's rider was not amused.

Personally, I think this is funny as hell. I am fascinated that this dog herded horse and rider home, what commitment. Good dog. Luckily the rider was the forgiving sort. Seriously though, it makes sense that the rider was pissed but c'mon, this is one of those stories you tell your grandchildren or Oprah.

They look so innocent when they're asleep

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So I've made an eye appointment and will probably get new glasses. This decision was made after my lovely wife told me last week that my favorite color is corduroy.

See, I can take a hint.

 

 

 

Grateful Dead keyboardist, the most dangerous job in rock n roll.

Vince Welnick died in June 2006, a probable suicide

Brent Mydland died in 1990 of a drug overdose

Keith Godchaux died in a car accident in 1980

Ron "Pigpen" McKernan died in 1973 of a gastrointestinal hemorrhage

 

Bruce Hornsby should go into hiding immediately.

 

 

 

 

My 7:00 am conversation with Mrs. Morhua:

 

"That’s the second time this week you wore that shirt."

 

Me: "Yes but today I’m wearing it with the shirt tail out."

 

"So that makes it a different shirt?"

 

Me: "Yes."

 

 

The Crime Scene:

This is, or should I say was, our down comforter. The dog decided to chew on it this afternoon while we were at work. There are feathers everywhere.

Everywhere.

It looks like somebody brutally murdered a goose on our bed.

 

The Culprit:

Pretending to look innocent and sucking at it.

 Wait 'til your mother gets home.

 

 

I orginally posted this on 5 November 2004 but decided to update the time stamp after reading the news and seeing these numbers being thrown around with reckless abandon.

Fun With Numbers  or  Snowball is Your Old Man

the important differences between a million, a billion and a trillion

The national debt, when I wrote this entry last year was 7,455,253,938,060.00 - over seven trillion dollars; today it is 8,082,086,555,349.77. Using the refresh button, I found that in the time it took me to write that number down with a pen, the national debt increased by 4,079,295.

It's important to understand the actual difference between a million, billion and a trillion since we hear these numbers thrown around every time we listen to the radio or watch the news.

To help me understand this, I put it into the realm of linear time for example, 3,600 seconds in a hour; 86,400 seconds in a day, etc. and set about doing some calculations to illustrate my point.

A million seconds goes by in approximately eleven (11) days.

A billion seconds will take a bit longer, just under 32 YEARS.

A trillion seconds, are you sitting down? - 31,645 years!!!

The last calculation looked something like this:

(10¹² sec)/( 3.16 x 10⁷ sec/yr) = 31,645 yrs!

It is important that people understand this and I'm afraid that most people out there don't. Of course my readers understand this, I'm talking about everyone else, the not-so-smart people, the ones who don't read my blog.

On November 4, 2004 the national debt was increasing at a rate of roughly 1.67 billion dollars per day; today it increases by 3.48 billion per day.

China owns most of our debt which is a huge national security issue.

We the People, however, are too busy debating evolution (again) and worrying about some reality TV show to realize that we're being sold out once again by our government.

I was surfing this evening and came across this gem.
These people are dead serious too. This might be a problem if there
were a lot of clowns around but I just don't have very much clown
contact. This could just ruin it for fans of one of my favorite
B-movies, Killer Klowns From Outer Space.

Clown Phobia? Imagine What Your Life Would Be Like Without Coulrophobia and Fear of Clowns

Exile on Madani Avenue*

or

Parking a rickshaw at the Short Hills mall

 

In an article called Questions, Bitterness and Exile for Queens Girl in Terror Case, the New York Times examines the case of a 16-year old girl from Queens who got railroaded out of the country and “back” to Bangladesh because the “FBI mysteriously identified her as a potential suicide bomber.”

 

"I feel like I'm on a different planet," the girl, Tashnuba Hayder, said. "It just hit me. How everything happened - it's like, 'Oh, my God.' "

 

Of course you feel like you’re on a different planet, you’ve lived in New York since kindergarten, Bangladesh is a different planet.

 

This child sounds like she would be more at home at the Short Hills mall than on any street in Dhaka, Bangladesh. But the FBI said they have “to err on the side of suspicion”

 

 

Oh my God, it’s like, paranoia.

 

 

But of course, individual freedom is only for “Americans.”

 

No make that American nationals because Tashnuba sounds pretty damn American to me. Just because she is Muslim doesn’t make her a terrorist or un-American. But I forget, post 9/11 freedom is only for blond white people, everyone else is a suspect. This is exactly the kind of behavior that 'endears' us to other countries.

 

Maybe I’ll be identified as a terror suspect and sent “back” to Scandinavia, where I don’t know anyone.

 

 

and then there's this...

 

 

 

 

 

Jihad George, crusader for Freedom, Democracy and Hypocrisy

(my dog watched CNN yesterday and told me this one)

 

I couldn’t have made this up. Well, I could have, but it would have been obvious satire. However, in the speaker’s able hands, it’s top-shelf entertainment.

 

Behold:

 

 

Yesterday, George Bush, addressing the Iranian people, denounced Iran's electoral system as undemocratic and vowed that America would stand with those people seeking "freedom."

 

It gets better.

 

George said, “Today, Iran is ruled by men who suppress liberty at home and spread terror across the world. Power is in the hands of an unelected few who have retained power through an electoral process that ignores the basic requirements of democracy."

 

Someone please stick a pencil in my eye, I can’t watch this anymore.

 

Oh by the way, can someone get the president a nice cup of shut the fuck up? 

 

Gadus Morhua

Benevolent Dictator of the Known Universe

 

 

* The US embassy is situated on Madani Ave. in Dhaka, Bangladesh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Phil Collins and Charlie Brown: The Same Person? You decide:

 

 

Corn Dogs and Haggis

Another exciting aspect of my sister’s visit was the validation I felt when she stated flatly that she’d never eaten a corndog. We were comparing and contrasting the culture in Kansas with our east coast upbringing and one thing that I see everywhere in Kansas is corndogs. Until I moved here 10 years ago I frankly (painful pun in intended), had never even heard of a corndog.

 

When I tell people that I’ve never eaten a corndog, they look at me like I have flaming lobsters crawling out of my ears. If anyone reading this has never eaten a corndog please leave a comment, I really don’t have an agenda here, I’m just interested.

 

Being in Kansas, I can only assume that eating a corndog is an event of some importance, a thing that every kid does, a fun treat you get at a county fair or some other special event.

 

I asked a few friends about their corn dog experiences and got the following responses:

Dan, “I only eat corndogs on road trips when eating rules are suspended.”

Cherie, “I’ve eaten tons of corndogs.”

Eric, “Corndogs are the meat equivalent of an ice cream sandwich.”

 

Judging by Dan’s response, my original suspicion that corn dogs are something to be avoided for anyone serious about not gaining weight is therefore given credence. The reason I say this is because a corndog is, theoretically, an all-meat frank or some other hot dog thingy dipped in a cornmeal batter and cooked until golden brown. The kind folks who answered my questions above say that they dip their corn dogs in either catsup or mustard. This is not health food but I’m sure they’re fun if you like that sort of thing. Personally, I may never eat a corn dog.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

I really can’t fault others for the stuff things they eat because I have been known to eat haggis. Those of you who know what a haggis is, you are either making a face or smiling and nodding your head in solidarity. For everyone who doesn’t know what a haggis is, the recipe for a traditional haggis, and the one I make most often is:

 

        1 sheep's stomach

        2 lb. dry oatmeal

        1 lb. suet

        1 lb. lamb's liver

        2 1/2 cups stock

        1 large chopped onion

        1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper, Jamaica pepper and salt

Boil liver and parboil the onion, then mince them together. Lightly brown the oatmeal. Mix all ingredients together. Fill the sheep's stomach with the mixture pressing it down to remove all the air, and sew up securely. Prick the haggis in several places so that it does not burst. Place haggis in boiling water and boil slowly for 4-5 hours.

 

Mmmmm. A haggis is best (I think) when served with a stout and followed (or accompanied) by a nice single malt scotch!

 

Each time I boil a haggis, I offer some to my beautiful wife and like clockwork, she refuses. Out of respect, I seldom eat haggis in her presence because she is so revolted by them. But on those rare occasions when I do eat haggis when she’s home, I make the offer ALSO out of respect and decorum. I don’t believe it would be civilized to eat in front of her without the offer even though she looks at me like I’ve completely taken leave of my senses.

 

Sausages are the closest thing we have to haggis in American culture and hot dogs are probably just the bastard children of sausages and haggis.  At any rate, writing about haggis makes me want to make one but that’ll have to wait for another day.

 

 

 

 

Jennifer Shiman: Bunny Goddess

 

There is a rising star in the cartooning world and her name is Jennifer Shiman. Though I have no idea what this woman looks like, I’m in love. Her sense of humor obviously very well developed and somewhat warped, she is creative and intelligent – what’s not to like?

 

On Jennifer’s website, http://www.angryalien.com, you can view some of your favorite movies presented in 30 seconds and re-enacted by bunnies. Viewing these ‘toons is BIG fun and I recommend them to everyone!  So far, Jennifer and the bunnies have done Alien, The Shining, Jaws, The Exorcist and Titanic.

 

On October 30 and 31, the Starz Network will broadcast their Hare Raising Halloween Marathon featuring the bunnies in Freddy vs. Jason, Scream and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Check out the trailer at http://www.starz.com.

 

I hope that these characters become as big as The Simpsons and South Park, they just crack me up. The very idea is brilliant and let’s face it, the world would be a better place if it were run by bunnies.

 

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I found this photograph from 2006, I believe?!? What an amazing, beautiful smile, and great bunny ears too.

 

The beautiful and talented Jennifer Shiman